Leaves of Tea

Why is that with each successive outing I find myself in sketchier and sketchier situations?

As of now, there is a 50-50 chance I will be coming home in a plane seat in economy class or in a wooden box on a boat. If it's the latter, I would prefer to be buried in a yellow jersey and have Yo-Yo Ma and Mark O'Connor play 'Appalachain Journey' at my funeral. For the reception, I wouldn't mind a little Coltrane and Dave Brubeck in the background. In lieu of flowers, please send donations to Wikipedia.

As of yesterday, I decided today would be spent in Xindian, the southernmost citiy accessible by MRT and one of the first outside of Taipei County. I was planning on hiking some notable mountains and trails, and then perhaps taking a one-hour bus ride to the aborigine village of Wulai, noted for its handmade cloth, hot springs, and rice candy.

However, due to the fact I got a late start this morning and my body wasn't really appreciative of the six-hour weight training session it unexpectedly received yesterday, I decided to postpone the hike until next week and do one of next weekend's plans today. I could only take one nail-biter of a trip per weekend, so I thought today would be the mellow 'take in the sights' day with a little cultural R&R. However, seeing as lately I've been wrong about absolutely EVERYTHING, you should know where this is headed (if not specifically, at least in the general direction).

My revised plans included visiting the famous Shenkeng Bean Curd Shop for lunch, noted far and wide for its stinky tofu. Then it was going to be off to see Zhinan Temple, supposedly a famous temple noted for its architecture, and following that I was going to go to Maokong Tea Farms, which included tea houses, exhibition center, and museum. It was all in the rough vicinity of the Taipei Zoo, and I once again erroneously figured, how hard could it be?

I got off at the first stop and waited for a bus that said "Shenkeng" to go by. After realizing I didn't know which side of the street I should wait on, what bus number it was, where the store was, or what I would order, I realized I would skip it and perhaps go with lab co-workers sometime. I did give it a go, but no buses came after 20 minutes, so I decided to visit the temple or the tea farms next, maybe getting lunch along the way.

I again waited for bus after bus and after 40 minutes almost gave up. A French couple (caucasian man, Asian woman who spoke English and Cantonese, but no Mandarin) came up to the bus stop and also said they were looking for the tea plantation. We almost went for a taxi when the bus (which was a small shuttle bus, not a big one, which is why I missed it) finally arrived. We hopped on and waited for the ride to Maokong, which I thought would be rather obvious, seeing as it was supposedly a hot tourist spot (yeah, for Taiwanese tourists, maybe). I tried following along on my map (yes, I caved in and bought a map last week, but only use it in dire situations, which this classified as) and there were no indicative or obvious signs as to where we should be going. We completely overshot our stop and had to get off and catch another bus back. In between this, however, we stopped at 7-11 for drinks, and I was slightly behind the French couple. When I stepped out of the 7-11, the bus had arrived, and I got on behind the other two and then sat down.

'Hey, I recognize you,' the French guy said.
'You do?' I said, thinking he meant from Taipei or prior weeks or something.
'Yeah, weren't you on the last bus?'

What?!?! Is that just French humor or was this guy insane? His girlfriend/wife/friend or whatever smiled, and he must have been joking. I mean, he had to have been, right? Did we not talk on the bus the first time and just come out of the same 7-11? Maybe he thought he was being funny, but he didn't smile. So now I was thoroughly confused and lost, and all I had to help guide me was a crazy French couple.

As we drove back up the mountainside again, all three of us vigilantly looked at signs, and found nothing big or indicative of any center whatsoever. It was your basic one-lane mountain road with two directions of traffic (yeah, I don't see how that's safe, either) with taxis and other cars zooming this way and that. As we ascended a steep and narrow section, a giant constuction truck was in our way coming the opposite way, and we had to quickly stop and inch backwards slowly down the mountainside. 'This is it,' I thought. 'I'm going to die on a random Taiwanese mountainside not knowing where I am with two nutso French people as my only contact. This bites.' Oh, and it turns out I lost my MRT card on the first bus, which made me panic to no end.

The construction truck barely squeezed around us, and we continued on our way. The bus driver dropped us off at one of many (and by many I mean around 90) tea houses located in the Maokong mountainside. The three of us got off and I thought we were going to separate tables, but when the waiter asked how many people, the French guy (whose name I already forgot) said three. 'Well then, it looks like I'm dining with company,' I told myself. Hoo-freaking-ray.

As we sat down to enjoy the tea, things got better. The woman was very nice and we chatted a little bit about where I and she came from, and she talked about growing up and living in Paris. I still thought her significant other was slightly on the odd side, but he got a little better as time progressed as well. She saw my shirt and asked about sports, and I said I used to play soccer and now I race bikes, and then I used that to segue into World Cup and Tour de France as conversation pieces. They asked what I thought about Zidane's infamous move, and then they proceeded to discuss French journalistic accusation of Armstrong's doping and how everyone in France accuses him and everyone in America defends him. We agreed that all riders are probably on something, although whether it's legal or not is yet to be determined. After sharing about an hour over tea, they got back on a bus and I walked around the moutain forever looking for this bloody museum (which I have concluded doesn't exist, and even if it does, I'm sure it's all in Chinese anyway, so no matter), all the while wondering if the sun or I would win out in the battle for daylight.

A walkway of the tea house we attended. The scenery was quite lovely, I'll give them that.

An overhead view as to where we had been seated.

My view in the moutains as I walked along looking for my escape. Can you say 'nowhere'? The little figure sticking up in the middle is Taipei 101. I would given my right arm at that point to be at Taipei 101.

Trees, trees, and more trees.

Tea House #25 seems to need a grammar lesson.

One of many tea houses that I passed on my walk back. This was a rather typical model--hidden in the hillside and usually attended by locals.

Miles and miles and miles later, I finally found myself back at teapot marker #1 (need I remind you there were 90?). I arrived at a bus stop and decided I wasn't walking anymore because I didn't know where to go, when all of a sudden I heard a female voice and turned around. A lady had stopped her motorcycle and pointed to the seat. I asked, 'Keyi ma?' She nodded and gestured to come, and before you know it I was on the back of a bike descending switchbacks headed back to the MRT. That was THE coolest part of the day, and totally made everything else worth it.

On the journey we talked a little bit and she said, 'Oh, so you can speak a little bit of Chinese?' I said yes, and I proceeded to say simple things, and we kept a conversation going until she dropped me off at a bus stop as the sun was going down. I said thank-you for everything and she smiled, and went back to her home in Xindian. I proceeded to hop on a bus taking me past the Taipei Zoo MRT station, but the bus had said 'Taipei Main Station,' so I assumed that if I stayed on long enough it would eventually take me there. Well it turns out it started at the Taipei Main Station and was going away from it, so when I passed Taipei Zoo and got to the end of the line, I had to get off and wait for another bus going in the opposite direction. (And when I did, I happened to pass a bus that had 'Shenkeng' as a destination. Jesus Christ.) As I passed the Taipei Zoo the second time, I couldn't help but get off. At this point, a bird in hand was worth about five thousand in a bush.

A sign at the MRT station and the steepest accompanying escalator I had ever seen in my life. Apparently people cannot do two things at once and are prone to accidents.

As I got off wondering if this was the right thing to do, I thought of an old tale someone told me awhile ago. A man happens to be in the middle of the ocean and the world is ending (or something like that) and there are storms everywhere. A boat sees the man and tries to rescue him, and the man says, 'No, go onward, God will save me.' Next, a submarine comes and offers its help, and the man once again refuses. Lastly, a plane comes and tells the man to get on, the man stubbornly proclaiming, 'The Lord is my savior. He will get me out.' The man ends up dying from drowning, and when he gets to Heaven, he asks God why he wasn't saved. God replies, 'I sent you a boat, submarine, and plane. What more did you want?'

The Taipei Zoo MRT station was my combined boat, plane, and submarine. I just couldn't pass it over.

In an exhausted and famished state seeing as I completely missed lunch, I decided the only way to make me feel better was eat. And eat well. So where did I go? Yup.

This time at Shilin I tried new things: barbequed chicken on skewers, four little wrapped rolls with qing cai, a vegetable bun (cai bao: 菜包) fresh off the hot plate, and some spicy tofu, along with a little lemon jelly and peanut candy. I went back to the night market for a little bit, didn't do too much irreparable damage, then got on my way back home.

Barbequed chicken and my vegetable rolls. Another hit.

Spicy tofu, and they weren't kidding. My lips were numb halfway through, and I couldn't finish the broth.

I'm all for exploring cultural differences, but I have absolutely no problem straight-out saying this is ridiculous. The woman on the right has a burning candle in her ear, which supposedly helps detoxify and cleanse the ear of wax. Ummm, yeah.

Part of me feels defeated for not accomplishing what I wanted to today. The other part of me feels bloody proud to be in one piece.

On that note, I would like to leave you with a conversation between me and the little bro this morning:

Me: Hey, what’s up?
Conary: Nothing much, just watching TV. You?
Me: Not much, just woke up about an hour ago.
Conary: Oh yeah, it’s morning there now for you, huh?
Me: Yeah, I might go hiking today. A major plus is that it’s free.
Conary: Isn’t it always free?
Me: Yeah.
Conary: So…?
Me: I went shopping a lot the last few days, so I have to not spend any more money for awhile.
Conary: Yeah, but isn’t hiking free all the time?
Me: Yes, but I want to go today because I spent so much money this weekend.
Conary: But it’s always free!!!
Me: I know that!
Conary: What?!?!

And my parents wonder why we don’t talk more often. It’s okay, I still love him anyway.